Everything has ended, We've parted ways. Each and every other time i thought it would be just temporary but no, this time, it's for real. It was just a short period of time but it felt like the longest. It's fate that brought us together and immaturity that broke us apart. From the first day when i shy away from you upon meeting you, to the last day when i couldnt stop looking at you hoping that the clock will stop clicking. Our relationship was like a time bomb, it felt like there was eternity for a moment but was set for doom the next moment. Everyone said that we couldnt last but i wanted to prove them wrong. Life is so short, we do not have the luxury to fight like that but we did..times after times, the amount of tears we've shed, the amount of pain stabbing at our hearts is unbearable. I tried convicing myself that you will change for the better, i tried convincing myself that you will grow up one day and see how much ive done for you but you fail to. I waited and waited, tried mending every heartbreak tried salvaging the relationship but you did not initiate anything... Anyway, Thanks for the memories. We met at the airport, i wanted to throw my arms around you but i feared so. We sat in the bus and it was a long and quiet trip, we didn't talk much... On the second day, we fought, i cried and cried but youve obviously given up on this... I ran to the telephone booth and called my friend, crying my heart out.. not sure of what to do... my eyes were dry, i had no more tears... another round of fight and again, i cried and cried, you said to give this relationship one more chance.. i had to beg you to stay, why ? why? every night i tried to cuddle up to you but you refused... saying that the feelings you had for me are not there anymore, i turned away and tried to control my tears from flowing.. but i love you so much!!!! what should i do?.. i waited.. i asked you time and time if you had found back your lost feelings...you told me not to bother you with such questions.. so i waited quietly... you told me to be mentally prepared to move on but on the other hand, i was trying to hard to make the relationship work... at that point of time, i had to learn the brute fact that you have to leave me someday but i just wanted to make miracles happen. You held my hands, you kissed me, you hugged me.. are these your true feelings? What if you can't find back your feelings? how do i suppress mine? how do i control myself from not growing my love for you.. how do i ...you told me that i should learn to move on if you leave me at the end of my trip... i felt hurt.. i felt the pain, my heart sank. How do i move on how do i forget you when you repeatedly kissed me, hugged me, looked at me in the eyes? I was struggling with my own feelings... i wanted to forget you completely but i couldnt.. every night, you slept right next to me... i had never felt this way before... i was very much in love with you... to a point where i threw my pride away and do whatever i could to make you stay. Just a recap on the memories, thanks for bringing me to the peak where we shared the chilling breeze of the wind, the french fries which we fed each other and you constantly offering me your jacket because you were afraid that i would catch a cold... but i love you so much that i'd rather i be the one catching the cold and falling sick. It was easy finding where the peak was.. We walked and walked.. i enjoyed the long walk with you.. Thanks for bringing me to the movies, we caught 2 movies.. i fell asleep for the first... we caught the 2nd one in 3D and during the movie, i couldnt stop stealing glances at you... you looked so cute in the 3d glasses. That day was the day where we had a long fight but we settled for a movie and it was also my second last day there... After the movie, we had the cold noodles which u ate like a pig... you eat so much and so fast.. remember the night i bought you macdonalds and within seconds, it's gone...you ate on the bed...so messy... why do you eat like a pig... We went spca together and played with lingling.. she's so adorable...on our way out of spca, we talked about you.. i didnt know you had the same expectation for me.. i am sorry... i didnt meet any guys to flirt or what.. i was merely searching hi and lo for a present that both of us can keep, to remind us of each other...Remember the day when i disappeared for two hours and you came back with a pack of cigg... but i had already bought one !!! Anyway, i carried one back home and i lost it at my workplace.. i searched but to no avail... Remember the night i thought i'd lost my chanel earring... and i had only one side left, you tried to comfort me telling me that you will get me a new one when you earn more money.. we found the other side of the earring 1 day later! We saw some guys clad in Cai Shen Ye costume and i got free redpackets!, you always try finding places where we could dine... because i was on a strict vegetarian diet... On the night where we dined near causewaybay, i was eating curry rice and mixed vegetables.. i asked if you want to marry me, you said you will, when you are 25... i just want to be with you and not ever having to leave your side, again.. do you know that? We went macau together and we shared the cup noodles... lol.. i even accompanied you into the toilet cubicle..because you asked me to!!!! It was saddening tht you've lost so much money at the casino... but i know how you felt.. it was an expensive lesson learnt.. i was hoping that you will kick away this bad habit...i felt equally bad and sad about your loss.. We played photohunt together on a few occassions.. you laughed at me whenever you see me eating fish skin... you ended up ordering one bowl of fish skin for me and i was overjoyed.. we went to make couple rings together, i made us a couple charm... we played alot at the arcade...most of the time with you watching me play maximumtune... we played flip the table but you were so weak.. no muscle...we won three octopus on the last day of my stay there.. after which, we were rushing to the airport... i dont know what came over me but i was having moodswings and felt bad for scolding you while we were on the train to the airport.. i was trying to hard to hide my sadness.. i didnt want to leave you like that... i went to the airport toilet and cried even more... you kept two of the octopus.. i kept one.. after i boarded the plane, i cried more... i asked myself... why .. why is heaven so cruel... "why do you have to bring us together and seperate us once again?..." Afew days ago, i took out my maximumtune card and almost lost it but a girl picked it up and returned to me... all these little things reminded me of the times that we had together..you said that i could not see the mistakes in myself but obviously i do and i even apologized for them... you did not realise how immature you had become.. always wanting to win an argument although it wasnt about winning or losing... you scolded me stupid you scolded me immature.. how about yourself? ... are you scolding yourself? I was stupid for sacrifacing so much for you.. i was immature for thinking you will grow up and start to appreciate my efforts...what do you gain from putting me down like this? you laughed at me while i was crying ... you said that i should take some courses in literature, some intellectual courses... i am sorry for sounding so dumb, you said i have no logic you said that i am really stupid.. did you apologize for all these hurtful things you said to me? no matter how much i hate you, i would never insult your intelligence. You had never respected me. All you want from me is for me to "admit my mistakes".. so what do you gain after i admit " i am wrong??" it seems like you are pushing all the blames to me... as if you do not play a part in it. if you want to weigh the sacriface and blames in the relationship, there you go,

Sacriface, Efforts Put In:
Me: 70% YOu:30%
-made you cards( took hours ) - said you had meet me but didnt,made me
-flew 2000km to meet you flew there instead
-cried for you despite being insulted - cried lesser than i had cried for you
-gave u surprise couple charm - financially supportive during my trip
but was given a cold response of "yeah..nice" and that's about it.
-made more calls to you than you
did for me
-planned to meet you again in feb
but you showed no sign of interest

i was so patient with you because i thought that you had never had any experience when it comes to love. I was willing to wait for you to understand the true meanings but you will never learn. Instead of admitting your own childishness, you forced me to admit that i am wrong , that i am the one who had commited all the mistakes in this relationship, i was the reason for the cracks in this relationship. Does it make you feel better to make me confess to something that i have no done? yes i do have bad temper, i swore at you many times and hung up on you whenever i got angry..I mentioned breakup whenever i get angry... So, these are my mistakes? are these the mistakes ive commited? Oh, so am i suppose to be calm and nice and gentle as well s romantic when i am angry and furious? Whatever being said when a person is angry, do you count that as a mistake, as a wrong doing? If thats so, then look at yourself. You scolded me " Fuck you" you made me call you over a hundred times, not wanting to answer my calls, you tell me that you've lost ur feelings for me.. yes, you dont wave your hands about when you are angry, you dont raise ur voice when you are angry but your words are much much more harsh than mine. i do not have a problem identifying my mistakes, yes at times i was wrong. Example, i slapped you , i scolded you on the train to the airport, i get angry over little things, i hang up on you too many times. Yup that's about it. Other than that , i was a good girlfriend, staying home, waiting for you to talk to me, waiting for you to call me. I gave you the freedom you want. You hangout late and for 6 hours you dont even bother checking your phone. Isnt that too much? I bet by now, you still dont feel a tinge of guilt. I am so tired of this.
Im sorry that it had to end this way. Goodbye


p.s to my ex boyfriend/s who are reading this, there is no need to get jealous and start scolding me via SMS again. please keep your cool because i had a clean breakup with you guys and dont scold me just because you feel uneasy inside. it is clear that ive moved on and my love is with this guy.

i totally can't apprehend or decode your words. They should never be potentially harmful nor should they ever have an impact in my life. However, i can't just close and eye and swallow my pride, feigning ignorance to your gibberish. However nonsensical the context is, you have your free will to communicate your train of thoughts anywhere, anytime. Ignorance is bliss, people say. I can turn a deaf ear to your unintelligible language but i could never allow it to happen twice. Your behaviour is socially unacceptable and i will not put up and tolerate with it any longer. Perhaps people who are lowly educated, who are slaves to the society, have this immense hatred for the whole universe. They feel that the whole world is swallowing them up and they have no where to turn to but technology. It is the only place that makes them feel accepted. Your life sucks, you've got no love at home, you've got no love at work at school at play but that doesn't mean i have to share this burden or be dragged into this piece of absurd shit with you. You are in no position to make people around you miserable just because you are envious that they are experiencing euphoria. You are carrying a large debt load doesnt mean you should ever take money or cheat from my boyfriend. Luckily this redundant pest has already been exterminated from his life. Love you bb. You did the right thing. Good riddance!

what is this heart aching feeling i keep getting the whole day. been over 30 times in total.. everytime it aches, one drop of tear will roll down my cheeks. i can't do it anymore.. i can't... only today did i realise i had never truly loved someone before. If you meet someone you love and all, you should be feeling all happy and this adrenaline rush through your body. They say that a start of relationship should be honeymoon period but i am feeling old and bored...